


laughter lines

by sharknado



Category: SHINee
Genre: 1920's AU, Angst, FRUSTRATED taemin, M/M, Soulmates AU, angry reacts only, author!jonghyun, cw homophobia, flashbacks??, idk - Freeform, jonghyun cries a little, jongtae - Freeform, soulmates thing, we might get some Smut in here who knows!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-12-21 06:12:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11938002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharknado/pseuds/sharknado
Summary: the meaning of "double life" is quite literal for dance instructor lee taemin. at only 22 years old, he's one of the most successful dancers in the country. however, every night when he goes to sleep, he lives another life inside of his dreams. when he picks up a book by an author of the name "d.grayi", he finds that he's reading the dreams he's had for years.





	1. d.grayi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the realization that dreams are not your own.

_ I flicked the ashes off of my cigarette and inhaled the almost sickeningly sweet menthol and tobacco laced smoke- I had almost finished writing the song, so I messed with the ivory a little bit and convinced a nice melody to come from the keys. It sounded nice, and the lyrics worked with it….Writing with your muse sitting across from you is truly something inspiring. I watched the sun filter through the windows, dust particles dancing in the beams of warmth. Though, the light hit my muse in such a beautiful way that his eyes glowed a little...they were a beautiful warm brown, and they sparkled as if they were precious gems. He read his book and glanced up at me every so often, and our eyes would meet. A little bit of a blush would bloom on his cheeks like roses, his lips curling upwards in an awkward smile. God, he was beautiful. My muse. My everything. He was my music, my rhythm, my sound. He’d get an earful if I ever told him how much I was in love with him at that point.  _

 

_ I looked over at the piano again, smoke rolling past my lips from my previous puff of my cigarette. It was bitter, much like thought of my muse not loving me the way I loved him, much like the abandonment that would come with telling him that I loved him. Men don’t love men. Not here, at least. Every man I knew had a sweetheart they came home to, her eyes sparkling with joy and peace- Or they were talking up flappers in bars and jazz clubs.  _

 

_ I was in love with a male dancer. The Oliver Twist of our neighborhood. A man who was flamboyant and absolutely stunning- He was so talented and beautiful. Could he possibly love me, too? He was very feminine. Maybe. Maybe he could love me. He would put on makeup with the female dancers at the jazz club he performed at. He always looked some kind of way- And it would make any big timer shudder. Well, to me, at least. My muse was skilled. Any little bit of music could become something he could dance to. He’d always be raking in the rubes at his performances...No wonder his getups were always so…..what was the word….flashy? Ritzy? However Minho described it, that’s how it was. He was always so fancy. High class. My muse. _

 

_ “Jonghyun,” he spoke up as I was caught in a trance, playing the piano and humming the melody of the lyrics that he inspired. “I was wondering, can I read those lyrics?” _

 

_ “Mmm?” I couldn’t speak with the cigarette in my mouth, so I held it with two fingers and nodded. “You wanna read them? Sure, I guess. C’mere.” _

 

_ As he sat on the piano bench, I couldn’t help but stare at his lips. His beautiful lips- They were so full. I could kiss him. I was close enough- But he took the papers from my hand and read them, mouthing the words. I watched every lyric be formed silently, not even spoken into the still air of my room. _

_ “Jjong, they’re great,” my muse looked at me, holding the papers in his hand. “If you disagree with me I swear, I’ll cast a kitten.” _

 

_ I didn’t speak. I didn’t say a word. I don’t know what came over me, but I leaned over and I kissed him. I just did. I kissed him! What bravery, what absolute madness had come over me? I went to pull back, but before our lips had the chance to part and I had the chance to run away and never talk to him again, he kissed back and my heart sang the most beautiful song I had ever composed. My world changed in the span of thirty seconds, all out of me being spontaneous. _

 

_ “...You kissed me,” my muse whispered after pulling back, blinking. “You kissed me-!”  _

 

_ “I’m sorry-” _

 

_ “Jeez, don’t be sorry! I’ve been waiting for you to do that, it’s been so tense between us lately…” _

 

_ My muse laughed, resting his head on my shoulder. This was the stuff of dreams. You’ll never get a first kiss like that in a million years. That was special, it was our first kiss, and it was the first of many. Though...I was still in shock. I pulled back a little bit and blinked. I couldn’t get it through my thick skull- He really loved me, isn’t that something? I  _

_ can still remember the way his hand felt in mine even after all this time. _

 

_ “Wait- Really-?!” I looked at him with wide eyes, peering over my glasses.  _

 

_ I must have really been oblivious. My muse grinned and shook his head, his hand tightening around mine. It was so cute...he was such an expressive person both on and off the stage. And so affectionate.  _

 

_ “Yeah, you goof. You’ve been staring at me like you haven’t eaten dinner in years!” _

 

_ There was silence for a minute. We just sat there and appreciated the warm, springtime sun for kissing our skin just as we had kissed each other. He was warmer and far more gentle than the sun. Oh. “My mistress is nothing like the sun…”....Shakespeare waxed poetic in my mind, and all I could do was confess through words and not actions. _

 

_ “I love you.” _

_ My muse held his breath and kissed the corner of my lips after shooting a look to the door, making sure no one came into my room, despite the apartment being completely empty besides the two of us. _

_ “....We’ve gotta keep this hush-hush, you know that, right?” _

 

_ “I know.” _

 

_ “Is that what you want-?” _

 

_ “I’d rather be secretly happy with you than publically miserable with some face stretcher,” I laughed, giving a stupid grin.  _

  
  
  


It was at that moment, Lee Taemin closed the goddamn book that had been ruining his goddamn life for all of about twenty four hours. He was livetexting his best friend, Jimin, throughout the entire thing. Jimin is the only one (besides Kibum, of course) who knew about the dreams and why he could never love anyone other than this literal dream boy. It comforted him that at least he wasn’t alone in this...weird situation. Was it reincarnation? Maybe. He believes in that kind of stuff. Maybe he just has an overactive imagination. But either way, the similarities between this book and his dreams are terrifyingly uncanny- down to the names and to the way that dust clung to the piano and made him sneeze. Right down to the details in his dressing room when he was a dancer-!

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Taemin laughs to himself, running a hand through his hair- he begins to pace, thinking. 

 

He’s almost frantic, dear god, he’s seen every scene from this book play out in his head for years. How…? How does he know? Every little touch, every laugh and every moment is something that’s played out in his head. He thinks about the way that his dreams felt- The gentle love that was always underlined by stress and fear, the terrifying possibility of being found out. He remembers running at nighttime, darting from the streets into the dark alleyways and kissing his lover in the shadows that embraced them both like an old friend. Everything was terrifying, if he was being honest. He missed the love, and he wanted the ability to love in this world and not just in his dreams, but he did not miss the feeling of having cold metal against his temple every time he felt the urge to hold his love’s hand.

 

He sits back down on his bed and decides to look up this author. Maybe there’ll be a picture of two of him. The author goes by the pen name “d. grayi”. Hm. That can’t be his real name, can it? Taemin crosses his legs and glares at the book that rests on his nightstand, and then gets to opening his laptop and searching for the author. It takes a minute for his laptop to boot up, and he hesitates before typing in the name- all for good reason. Breath gets caught in his throat. Oh, oh my god. He gasps audibly and it turns into a broken sob. It’s him. He’s real. Jonghyun- He exists. He’s not just a figment of Taemin’s imagination and he begins to cry, his whole body quivering with emotion. But that means….the dreams. They’re real, too. Everything. Did it really happen? He should go look at historical records-

 

After a few moments of consideration, Taemin decides to follow him on instagram. And twitter. And tumblr. And like his page on facebook. His icon is all him- Perhaps he’ll realize who he is, too. Maybe they can talk-! Taemin internally cringes. Why is he so eager to talk to a somewhat stranger? d. grayi can’t be Jonghyun, can he? The dancer sighs and falls backwards onto his bed. Everything is hitting him at once, he realizes, and it’s not fun. It’s not okay at all. Feeling so many emotions at once, all while still sobbing over a fucking selfie…? Dear god. He runs a hand over his face and tries to not cry so hard. Calming down when you’ve seen the face of a man you’ve loved for years in dreams...it’s a wild feeling. What kind of situation was this? Taemin closes his laptop and rolls over in bed, pulling blankets in on him, until his phone buzzes. Jimin.

 

‘hey  did you finish it?? i did. i’m not spoiling things.’

 

‘i just got to the confession. i can’t do it.’

 

‘is it really that similar…?’

 

‘it’s uncanny.’

 

Taemin mumbles something under his breath and curls up even more before he can practically feel the dreams luring him in to sleep- Within a few moments, he’s being taken by the hand and is suddenly dancing in the darkness of Jonghyun’s kitchen, the apartment empty besides the two of them and his little dog.

 

“What a lovely secret we have, Jonghyun,” Taemin murmured, resting his head on his lover’s shoulder as they sway underneath what little light there is. “I’ll never tell.”

“Only tell me, Taemin,” Jonghyun laughed. “Only tell me how much you love me. Always. And I’ll tell you. You and I? We’re something special. Someday, I’ll write songs about us and they’ll be famous, or maybe I’ll write an entire book about how beautiful you are. Then, the entire world will know. Who needs secrets in a perfect world?”

 

That broke Taemin’s heart. He couldn’t imagine a world where they could love each other openly. He couldn’t imagine what his father would say if he found out- His mother probably knew. She always talked about that “fondness” he had in his eyes when he talked about Jonghyun….She probably wouldn’t mind, right? He closed his eyes tightly. 

 

“You think, someday, we’ll be able to love each other like that? And Tiffany and Taeyeon. You think they can love each other like that someday….?”

 

Jonghyun nodded, kissing Taemin’s cheek. The younger almost flinched- thinking about such dark things while being loved so tenderly was a bad habit of his. Thoughts of dying and thoughts of hate were always dwelling in his mind…..every dance could be their last- If only he could love as confidently as Jonghyun. 

 

“In a perfect world,” the writer began, humming. “...who needs to hate anyone? I think love is a much better way to go, even if you’re just loving your friends, it’s still the best way to go…”

 

Taemin agrees. There’s gotta be more to the world than hate. Suddenly, the clocks in Jonghyun’s apartment all chime for the midnight hour. It makes Taemin flinch. Sudden, loud noises in the midst of silence are nobody’s friends, he thinks, but especially not his. He sighs in relief when he realizes that it’s not somebody trying to break in and find them out….Paranoia holds him tighter than Jonghyun does sometimes.

 

“Say,” Jonghyun stopped in his tracks, holding Taemin closely still. “Have you thought about going to see Key tonight? Isn’t he singing at that one joint?”

 

“Minho said he’d be there tonight, too,” Taemin nodded. “Weird egg, isn’t he? I think he’s stuck on that V…..”

 

“V? Why do they call him that?” Jonghyun tilted his head like a confused puppy. It was almost endearing, especially considering that he was the older out of the two of them.

 

Taemin paused. Why did they call him “V”? V….What else starts with V? Vinegar? Volumptuous? Vi- By god, that’s it. Virgin.

“I think it’s ‘cause he’s a virgin still,” Taemin half-joked. “I think so.”

 

Jonghyun’s laughter filled the empty apartment and filled it with life--Taemin’s eyes grew full of light and gentleness at the sound. It sounded like a beautiful kind of thunder, rumbling in the distance and filling his heart up, too. Once Jonghyun’s laughter had calmed, he spoke again, this time moving so he was holding Taemin’s hands. 

 

“Do you wanna go out?” He looked at Taemin and smiled, giving his hands a bit of a  squeeze. “Come on. Jinki’s gonna be there, too, I bet, and you know how cool he is. He and Kibum are some kinda special, aren’t they?”

 

That warranted a pout from Taemin. 

 

“We’re some kinda special, too,” he huffed. “Are we not enough?”

 

It was a joke, kind of. Jonghyun praised their relationship all the time. It was sweet…He had even written songs about them. They were the most beautiful kinds of songs, too. 

 

“Baby, you know we are /the/ most kind of special,” Jonghyun laughed again. “Come on. Let’s go see our friends. It’ll be good for you. And we’ll dance to our heart's’ content.”

  
  


The club’s music embraces the pair and they grin- It’s a safe place for everyone here. It’s secluded--quite literally a little hole in the wall type place that’s a haven for those who seek to live without judgement. The owner of the joint, Kim Namjoon, was not only the owner but was quite literally a genius--he graduated high school at age 14 and began teaching college at age 20, and owning a business at 23. He wanted a place for people like him, and thus, Spring Day was born. 

 

“OH, IT’S MY FAVORITE BOYS!” Kibum called from the stage, watching the other two walk in. “Everyone….welcome my favorite songwriter, and my favorite dancer….Jonghyun and Taemin. Give it up for them!”

 

The little crowd of regulars cheered and hollered, and Taemin hid his face in embarrassment. The bartender, Jihoon, just laughed a bit while drying a glass. He poured the two their usual drinks, on the house of course. Jinki sat at the table in front of the stage, very clearly at ease. He leaned back in his seat, a cigarette hanging from his lips and a wreath of smoke adorned his head. Watching Kibum made him feel good….watching his love succeed at what he loved most was his most adored pastime. 

 

“Taemin!” Jihoon called from the bar. “Two for you guys. On the house. Don’t drink too much, I’m not gonna rescue ya when you’re under glass, you hear?”

 

Taemin laughed a bit and walked to the bar, taking the drinks. Jihoon was always so cautious about things, it was kind of funny. But, he knew that it came from a good place…..He was a caring person, and no matter how cold he came off to some people, Taemin knew his character. He was a class act. Jihoon and Soonyoung were by far his favorite people to dance with, too. If only they didn’t work so much…. Taemin shook his head, shaking away the thoughts. Something weird had come over him then. Was it paranoia? Or something similar…? Either way, he was ready for the night to begin. It was young, and so was he. He took the drinks to Jinki’s table, where he and Jonghyun ended up sitting. 

 

“Got a gasper, Jinki?” Jonghyun asked, and Jinki nodded, even being so kind as to light him up. 

 

At last, Jonghyun was able to relax as well, putting an arm around Taemin and taking a drag of his cigarette. 

“You guys look a lot happier lately. I’m glad you could get through that whole….confusion,” Jinki mentioned. “If only we could get Minho to come to terms with being a three-letter-man, you know-?”

 

There was laughter between the three friends, and then the club damn near fell silent when Kibum’s piano struck so much as a key. He began singing again, this time, a slow piano ballad, far different than the stuff he was singing earlier.

 

Jonghyun took the dim lights as a cue to press kisses to Taemin’s neck discreetly, the other closing his eyes and allowing the music to be his sight. The moment was perfect. Everything was so beautiful, the blissfulness of Jonghyun’s lips on his neck and his hand pulling him closer by the waist, how Kibum sounded while he sang, the oddly comforting scent of Jonghyun’s cologne and the smoke on his lips- Jonghyun. That was the good feeling.

  
  


And it was gone the moment he woke up to a notification on his phone.

 

Taemin sits up, rubbing at his eyes. It’s 3 AM. Who could be texting him? Jimin likes to sleep early. Kibum- Wait. Kibum…? He was just in that dream- It can’t be…. Taemin grabs his phone and looks at his notifications.

 

d.grayi: have we met before?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i hope you all like this story...i've been very inspired lately! please tell me what you think in the comments. sorry that this one is short. chapters will usually be at least twice this long. thanks guys.


	2. no one's here to sleep

****

It’s been a long night and the dreams are not helping whatsoever. Jonghyun rolls over a few times in bed and groans, eventually sitting up and grabbing his phone from his nightstand. There’s not much he can do at this point. The nightly memories have been coming to him since he was young, he’s been living two days for every one since he was a child. It was exhausting, but it was also beautiful...having two lives, knowing two sets of people, having two identities, it was almost therapeutic. Jonghyun begins to go through his notifications when he sees a similar username on every single social media. “blue.roses95”  has followed him on most of his public sns…..Jonghyun looks at the profiles and stops dead in his tracks. It can’t be him. This man looks exactly like the one in his dreams. But Jonghyun looks away for a second. He needs to think clearly, rationally. He hasn’t slept much lately, right? He’s probably delusional at this point- 

 

Then again, the possibility that he read his book and still decided to talk to him was out there. It was possible. The only problem Jonghyun had was that he doesn’t know the name of the boy in his dreams. He doesn’t remember even the slightest syllable, the way that it tasted so sweetly on his tongue as he spoke. What could it possibly be? That didn’t matter now, though, did it? Full of anxiety and excitement, he decides to message blue.roses95 and ask if they’ve met. They both have floral names, that’s a start, but could it be…? Were the dreams real?

  
  


d.grayi: have we met before?

  
  


With the jingling of dogtags and a bell, his chubby little dachshund decides to jump up on the bed with him. 

 

“Hello, Roo,” the author laughs quietly, his dog nuzzling his hand and making her way to his lap, where she plops down lazily and humors him by letting him pet her for longer than a few seconds. 

She’s an attention hungry dog, that’s for sure….She keeps his mind off of the message he just sent for about a minute, until his phone goes off with a reply. It’s like he’s a high schooler again, waiting for a reply from a guy after a date night--it was an odd, fluttering feeling, but it was especially strange because it was coming from a complete stranger. Well...could you consider him a “complete” stranger when they’ve met in dreams-? And there goes Jonghyun’s delusional, wishful thinking. He slaps himself on the forehead and tells his mind to shut the hell up for a moment. His heart aches enough with the longing for some kind of love and affection, he doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need some dream boy waltzing into his life and giving him false hope because he looks like a guy he’s had dreams about for damn near two decades. 

  
  


blue.roses95: i don’t think so. i just picked up your book and i’m about a third of the way done with it….i really like it so i decided to follow you. 

  
  


A few seconds had passed. His phone goes off again.

  
  


blue.roses95: call me stupid, but it’s nostalgic for me. it feels like home despite being 1920’s.

  
  


And again, there’s a moment of waiting between messages as three little grey dots appear in the conversation. The other is typing and Jonghyun’s heart is racing so fast that he feels like he won’t be able to breathe- Nostalgic. That word keeps repeating in his mind. How? How is it nostalgic, when you’re young and-?! Unless you’ve had the same dreams as I have, unless you’ve felt these things the way that I have.

  
  


blue.roses95: you’re very talented. 

  
  


It felt like home? Nostalgic? Jonghyun takes a deep breath and makes the (albeit, stupid) decision to go through blue.roses95’s instagram and twitter….It really is him, isn’t it... ? In a perfect world, he’d be able to say, “hey, aren’t we soulmates?”and not sound like a complete fucking idiot. 

  
  


Jonghyun clicks a video on blue.roses95’s instagram and watches him dance. He’s a dance instructor, huh…? So much like back then. So much like when they were in love, almost a century ago-

 

God, stop thinking like that, Jonghyun’s mind hisses to him. Stop it. You never were in love and you never will be, not like that. It sounds too good to be true because it is too good to be true, it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream- But that doesn’t stop him from replying to the message he received.

  
  


d.grayi: oh, you think so? thank you...it means a lot.

  
  


d.grayi: want to know something almost funny? the book is based off of dreams i’ve had since i was young. it’s like living another life…

  
  
  


This is when he takes the moment to go through blue.roses95’s twitter account. Jonghyun looks through and what he finds makes his heart stop. It looks like he doesn’t do much of his own tweeting unless it’s about odd dreams or dogs. But the few tweets he has date all the way back to 2008. They were so young then-! And he’s tweeting about the dreams…

  
  


5/23/08 @blueroses95 i got asked to homecoming by a girl but i’m pretty sure i’m gay, i keep thinking about that guy in my dreams LMAO

  
  


5/24/08 @blueroses95: yeah im gay

  
  


6/25/08 @blueroses95: kibum said “no shit youre gay” is it that obvious? XD

  
  


10/04/08: @blueroses95: i told kibum and jimin about the dreams and they said im crazy lol but they listened so that’s cool!   
  


 

04/08/09: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


05/09/09: @blueroses95: i don’t use twitter a lot. sorry. here’s a picture of adam and eve, im more active on the gram lol

  
  


04/08/10: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/11: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/12: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/13: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/14: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/15: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/16: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  


04/08/17: @blueroses95: happy birthday

  
  
  
  


Every year there was a tweet for Jonghyun’s birthday. His heart sunk to his feet. That was the only thing he had tweeted since 2010. He could feel tears well up in his eyes- this can’t be a coincidence. Not now. Not after seeing all of these birthday wishes, not after the fact that he’s still a dancer. Almost 100 years later and they were still the same people. Did time really have it out for them that badly…? Jonghyun doesn’t even remember what happened to them beyond the two of them being in their 20’s. Did anything happen? Did the worst happen? He decides that he doesn’t want to think about that, so he pushes it to the side, but god, that would be horrible. Is this the universe giving them a second chance..? Is this the stars aligning and saying, “you had no chance, but you deserve a chance at love and joy”?

 

If there’s one thing Jonghyun had learned, the universe wasn’t kind. The world isn’t a kind place, it’s full of awful and horrible people and the only way to escape it was to be a beautiful and kind person yourself. To change the bad, you must be the beautiful, you must be the good that you want to see in the darkness. Oh, he should write that down, give him a second…..

  
  


blue.roses95: you’re kidding

  
  


blue.roses95: that’s insane

  
  


blue.roses95: maybe i should turn my recurring dreams into a book

  
  


blue.roses95: but that would be plagiarism wouldn’t it?

  
  


Jonghyun rereads that word over and over again. Plaigarism? Of his own dreams? No, blueroses95. You’re kidding. You’re the one who has to be pulling Jonghyun’s legs, right? You’re...you’re not real. You’re a dream. You’re the stuff of Jonghyun’s imagination-

 

d.grayi: yeah

  
  


d.grayi: the problem is, with the book, is that i don’t know the name of the guy in my dreams. 

  
  


d.grayi: it’s so hard to write things about a nameless lover, you know?

  
  


blue.roses95: your mystery lover

  
  


blue.roses95: that’s almost romantic. 

  
  


d.grayi: what was the name of your mystery lover, in your dreams, then? if they’re so simliar maybe they’re the same person hahaha how weird would that be?

  
  


blue.roses95: nevermind that, why are you up so late? it’s almost sunrise where i am.

  
  


d.grayi: insomnia, she’s a great friend

  
  


blue.roses95: ahhh. sorry.

  
  


d.grayi: yeah. new york city never sleeps, and here i am, living here. thought it was fitting

  
  


blue.roses95: wait, you live in nyc?

  
  


d.grayi: yeah. why?   
  


 

blue.roses95: i live there too.

  
  


d.grayi: maybe we’ve seen each other or something haha

  
  


blue.roses95: taemin.

  
  


d.grayi: what?

 

blue.roses95: my name. it’s taemin.

  
  


d.grayi: it’s a beautiful name.

  
  


blue.roses95: i’m going on a walk, i do every morning. maybe i’ll bump into you if you’re out. 

  
  


d.grayi: maybe. i’ll go on one too, perhaps it’s fate.

  
  


blue.roses95: you believe in stuff like that?

  
  


d.grayi: i believe in the universe.

  
  


blue.roses95: then, maybe she saw something. i’ll talk to you later.

  
  


d.grayi: see you.

 

 

Jonghyun honestly had no idea what was going on, but if he could get some kind of closure, it would make his life so much easier. He pulls himself out of bed, sighing. Roo follows excitedly, and he clips the leash to her collar, ready to embrace the chilly spring morning like it was an old friend. Perhaps the universe was looking out for them. Maybe they would bump into each other. Something had to come out of this. They seemed to click, but maybe that was the century of waiting. He was tired of waiting, but he'd do it again to meet his mystery lover once more. His heart ached, but when the breeze hit him and the sun greeted his face, he couldn't help but smile. Someone was looking out for them. Someone was holding his hand in the darkness and saying, "it's okay"....and hopefully, they were right.


	3. la vie en rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a first time for everything.  
> there's a last time, too.  
> but we're not there yet.

 

_“Just say it!” His laughter was enough to send me into a laughing fit, especially with the way he tried to imitate my voice. Roo yapped when I laughed, too, so it was pretty cute...Like she was laughing with us._

 

_But , still. It’s like he wouldn’t take me seriously. The laughter was nonstop from both of us and I really didn’t mind until I realized how badly I wanted to hear those words come from him. It would be super nice to hear. I hadn’t heard it at that point, even though it’d been a few months. It felt like an eternity with him, though. I’ve never really felt that in love. I had a few girlfriends, I dated a girl named Koharu, a girl named Naeun. But really…? They weren’t anything like Jonghyun. For a bit, I thought it was convinced that it was a problem with me--and I was kind of right. I just wasn’t dating the right person, but I digress. I hadn’t heard the love of my life tell me that he loved me and hey, I didn’t like that. If he really loved me he’d say something, right? But I couldn’t think that he was using me for sex. We hadn’t even done that….I still wanted to hear it, though._

 

_“Oh, stop it,” I laughed, giving him a gentle shove. “Stop. Look me in the eyes and tell me you love me. It’s just three words, Jonghyun.”_

 

_He looked at me with the entire night sky in those eyes. I couldn’t stand it. How can someone do that? Just….look like that? Jonghyun grabbed my hands and looked at the door to ensure it was locked as he always does, despite the two of us being the only people in his apartment. A gentle song played from his record player. We had to take such precautions to even hold each other. Every night was anxiety as we fell asleep in each other’s arms in that tiny apartment. He always played music when we were together, just in case anyone was around….It broke my heart. If only we had been born in a perfect world, where we could love who we wanted without being called the worst things. We didn’t dare love in the sunlight. We didn’t dare love in the darkness, either. We loved behind locked doors and closed windows._

_“My muse,” he murmured, his lips pressed against my knuckles. “My love, my darling, my sweetheart.”_

 

_“Hey, you’re not saying it,” I huffed, wanting to cross my arms but I couldn’t pull my hand away when he’s being so sweet like that….How can you ignore that kind of love?_

 

_“My little prince, I love you,” Jonghyun finally gave in and said it, leaving kisses up my arm- well, as far as it was exposed for._

 

_“....Mm….” I closed my eyes and then opened them almost immediately after. “Hey, what’s this language you got on the records? French?”_

 

_Jonghyun looked up from his kisses and nodded. I almost forgot he’d been to so many more places than I had. He’d been in Italy, France, England...He’s travelled a lot. It must be nice,  going to so many different places, seeing the world the way a child sees a playground. He glanced at the walls of his bedroom that were covered in postcards and grainy photographs, and naturally, so did I. I couldn’t help but wonder what kissing him in front of the Eiffel Tower would be like. Beautiful, wouldn’t it? I looked at his fond expression and found myself daydreaming into those eyes. He wasn’t even looking at me and I was getting flustered. This is love, I thought. This is really what love feels like, isn’t it?_

 

_“I’m gonna take you to France one day,” Jonghyun nodded. “You’re gonna love it. People there…..they take three hour long lunch breaks and drink wine with every meal, and there are lights on the buildings that look like stars. It’s a city of romance and everything you could ever dream of.”_

 

_I blinked. Did he really wanna go to France with me someday?_

 

_“Jjong, do you mean it?”_

 

_I sat forward a bit, grinning excitedly. A romantic musician, and me, a dancer and a busboy, were really going to go to Paris someday? Paris, France, the city of love and art and….wow. It must be beautiful for him to go on about it like this._

 

_“Of course I mean it,” Jonghyun laughed. “Why would I say something I don’t mean? Who does that kind of stuff?”_

 

_He took a book from his shelf and handed it to me. It was a leather bound journal, full of his own handwriting._

 

 _“What’s this?” I asked, flipping through the pages. “Oh, it’s like a diary…..Neat.”_ _  
_ _I decided to read a bit of it. He talked a lot about food….A lot about the stars, and a lot about loneliness. My heart broke a bit for him there. Imagine being that lonely in a place you’d never been...Especially another country. I thought briefly about what my parents felt when they came to this country. It must have been harder for them, all those awful things to do to get to be a citizen here...My heart broke yet again._

 

_“I wish I could have brought you along the first time I went. I wish we knew each other. Exploring the world with you sounds ideal. Nobody could tell us anything. We’d be wanderers, you know?” Jonghyun tilted his head back and thought to himself, closing his eyes and keeping that position for a good while._

 

_“Then why don’t we do it? What’re we doing sitting here? Can’t we just pick up and go? What good does beating our gums do us?”_

 

_I was serious. Extremely serious. Imagining a life on the road with Jonghyun was something beautiful. What, we could travel around on trains and live in little hotels, maybe buy a tiny place in Italy and live there in seclusion from the world._

 

_“I could see it now,” Jonghyun looked back at me with an amused grin. “Imagine you trying to make it around Europe. Poor little bunny. He’s lost!”_

 

_Not having the teasing, I crossed my arms and gave him the harshest glare I could._

_“Jjong! I mean it. Let’s go travel. Let’s leave this place behind. I’d do it for you,” I took a hold of his hands and the only thing that cut the tense silence was the sound of some French song in the background._

 

_We stared into each other’s eyes and my grip around his hands tightened. I wasn’t about to let him go. Not until he took me seriously. I got that I kid around a lot, but I was being so, so serious about this. I wanted to run away with him, with the man who gave me at least some kind of purpose. He gave me happiness, and that’s all I could ever ask for. He gave me everything that I needed to survive. Hell, he even came to me during my long work shifts and told me to sneak into the alleyway so he could kiss me. Of course, my heart would pound like crazy when he did risky things like that. I didn’t want us to be found out._

 

_A heavy sigh escaped from Jjong’s lips and he looked away from me. The weight on my chest and shoulders got a bit heavier._

 

_“Okay. Baby, listen,” he huffed, holding onto my hands with the same ferocity that I held his. “If we wanna do this, we need to do it soon, yeah? It’s gonna be fine. We’ll get there, but we have to do it before one of us gets tied down, especially you. You’ve got a family and stuff here. I got nothing.”_

 

_Ah. That’s right. I remember that Jonghyun’s parents had died shortly after coming here--He’s been alone for all this time._

 

_“You mean it?”_

 

_“Why would I say things I don’t mean, baby?”_

 

_“I don’t know, Jjong.”_

 

_The record stopped playing and then there was silence. Jonghyun stood, bringing me to the shaded window and pulling me a bit closer. It was oddly comforting, the way he ran his hand through my hair in the stifled sunlight that just so struggled through the windows. It was warm on my skin, and let me tell you, he had the softest lips. He kissed my forehead and I acted like I wasn’t taller than him for once._

 

_“You’ll love it, I promise,” he murmured. “I’m gonna take you to see everything, but even then, nothing’s gonna be more beautiful than you.”_

 

_“Oh, stop it, you cake-eater-”_

 

_I gave him a playful shove. He couldn’t be serious like that, could he? He was so ridiculous, and I loved him. Boy, did I love him._

 

_“Let me be poetic, baby, that’s my job,” he laughed, pulling away a little bit. “You’re supposed to swoon and say, ‘Oh, Jonghyun! My knight in shining armor, taking me all the way to Europe!’, not, ‘Oh, stop it’....Where’s the romantic fun in that?”_

_  
_ _“There’s romance in everything, if you look hard enough,” I grinned. “But you can’t be acting like the big cheese when you’re my boyfriend. I’m no king or prince, don’t act like it.”_

 

_Jonghyun pouted. My musician really didn’t like that._

 

_“Piffle, babe. You’re a prince. The prince of New York. The one and only!”_

 

_“What if I said that was you?” I took my chances at being cheesy. I never did that, really,  and I kind of regret it. I’d give anything to be that in love and stupid again. Well. That in love and stupid with him. If he could come back to me…._

 

_That crystal-clear laughter split the silence in half and his eyes closed when he laughed, nose scrunching up….He was so cute. Until he decided to imitate me, that is._

 

_“Oh, stop it, you cake-eater,” he laughed, trying his hardest to imitate me. It didn’t work. At all._

 

_“Jjong! You sounded like a moron,” despite my words I couldn’t help but smile and again give him a shove._

_He shook his head and walked over to the record player, putting on another record. I watched him curiously--what could he be putting on?_

_“It’s another record I got from France,” he explained, walking over to me and holding out a hand for me to take._

 

_I’d be a fool not to take his hand._

 

_“It’s my favorite piano piece, it’s called Clair de Lune,” Jonghyun whispered to me. “And someday, we’ll dance to this in Paris, instead of dancing together in this tiny bedroom.”_

 

_I followed his steps, and it was refreshing not to lead a dance for once. His entire existing was refreshing, though, if I thought about it. He was a breath of fresh air in every way. I know, I know. ‘Taemin’, you’re probably saying as you read this. ‘You’re so corny!”. I know I am, and rightfully so. You don’t know how it feels unless you’ve been in love before. But even if you have been in love, I don’t think it was the kind of love we had. We had something special. Something I’d kill to get back._

 

_I stared at him as we danced, and god, was he ethereal._

 

_“Babe,” he again whispered. “I promise you, I’m gonna make you happy. Okay?”_

 

_I nodded._

 

_“You already do.”_

  


* * *

 

 

Taemin’s walk is quick-paced. Those memories...They won’t stop playing in his head. His two dogs scamper alongside him. For oldies, they’re still so energetic. Adam pounces ahead of Eve, who gives a sharp “yip!” and follows after. They’re the ones walking him, Taemin notices with a sigh.

 

The music playing in his headphones doesn’t really help the odd feeling of melancholy that weighs him down. It was a sad kind of homesickness--something that couldn’t be described with words in the English language. Come to think of it, there wasn’t a word in Korean or Japanese that he could think of, either. He’d only found a Welsh word some time ago that accurately described it, and that was the word “hiraeth”. It meant something like “to miss what you’ve never experienced” or “to miss a place that doesn’t exist”. That sounds about right, he thinks. It’s not real. It’s all in a dream, isn’t it? He has a playlist titled “Hiraeth”, and it’s mostly piano music and swing, sometimes it’s a little bit of Parisian parlor music, all from the 1920’s. The piano music, though, is classical, everything that Jonghyun would play on that shoddy little piano in his bedroom.

 

“Adam- No-!”

 

Taemin’s snapped out of his melancholy state by his little dog barking up a storm--He’s seen another dog and of course, being the over-eager old man he is, he pulls at his leash and tries to go play.

 

“Come on-”

 

He gives a tug to Adam’s leash and bites his lip for a second. His dog usually complied with tugging, even if he didn’t listen to verbal comments at all. Taemin didn’t own Adam and Eve. They owned him, really. It takes Taemin a second before he looks over at the dog that’s distracting his own, he’s a bit too distracted by the now two dogs barking.

 

The dog in front of him is a dachshund.

“Roo, please,” a familiar voice sighs. “Come on, sweetheart. This way-”

 

Taemin stops in his tracks.

 

Roo?

 

A dachshund?  


That voice.

 

Taemin looks up and makes eye contact with a man who has been in his dreams for nearly two decades. He stops dead in his tracks and so does the stranger, the only thing between them are their two dogs.

Could that be the same look of shock in his eyes? He looks a lot different now, brown hair instead of black, his eyes have darker circles under them now. But he still wears golden spectacles, just like back then. Taemin studies his eyes and his lips part for a second. The stranger looks just as shocked as him. Well. That’s relieving. Maybe he doesn’t look like a complete moron, having a staring contest in the middle of a public park with a complete stranger who just so happens to look like a literal dream boy of his. No big deal. No big deal at all- Taemin takes in his outfit. The white v-neck shirt and the black hoodie make him look so casual, and don’t even get him started on the black skinny jeans. Seems like he likes to wear black, hm? And- Is that a tattoo on his wrist? It’s like meeting an old friend after years. Taking in the differences-- God, Taemin must look different too. Blue hair now? Unheard of in the 1920’s….

 

Again, that familiar voice graces his ears, and Taemin can’t help but smile. It sounds warm. It sounds like home, it sounds like heaven.

 

“Have…..have we met before?”

 

“No,” Taemin blurts. “Well, I mean- You’re awfully familiar. I think we dm’ed on instagram this morning-”

 

“No,” Jonghyun’s voice is airy. Almost as if he’s relieved. “I know that. I remember your face- But I swear, we’ve met somewhere.”

 

Met somewhere? Yeah. Somewhere. That’s….pretty accurate. Taemin bites his tongue to prevent himself from saying something stupid. You can NOT tell a stranger that you’ve seen them in dreams, especially reoccuring dreams for the past twenty something years of your life. God, Taemin, pull it together. Pull it together-

 

“You are really familiar-”

 

You haven’t even introduced yourself yet, you idiot.

Taemin sticks his hand out.

 

“My name’s Taemin! These are Adam and Eve,” he says, motioning to the dogs that are now sniffing at Roo.

 

“Jonghyun,” the stranger smiles, shaking his hand. “That’s Roo. Do you want to walk together or…?”

 

“That sounds good!” Taemin has no objections to walking with him. At all.

 

The early spring morning air is dewey and almost sweet. It complemented their pace rather nicely. Slow steps and their dogs getting along, the birds singing, the soft music that was so gentle and sweet in the one earbud that Taemin already had in. This stranger that he has known for only a few minutes feels like home. Is that strange? He even notes the way that his strides are the same as they were back then. Those dreams….memories, whatever they were, were crystal clear. God, his name was even Jonghyun. It had to be him. It was fate. Some kind of red string of fate-

 

“Are you a morning person-?” Taemin looks at Jonghyun curiously. He knows exactly what he’s going to say-

 

“No,” Jonghyun replies with that puppylike smile. “I just don’t sleep, remember?”

 

I remember, Taemin thinks. I remember far too vividly. When I’d stay at your home, you’d stay up until ungodly hours and I’d fall asleep with my head on your lap. You’d play your piano until you got too tired to function. You’d look out the window and talk about stars for a while, how people use them to navigate the world-

 

“Yeah, I remember now,” Taemin nods, watching his dogs trotting ahead of them, Roo close behind. “Insomnia, she’s a great friend, right?”

 

That message stuck with him. He didn’t exactly know why.

 

“What about you? Are you a morning person, mister Taemin?” The way Jonghyun spoke was almost like he was trying to lift a veil and look at Taemin smiling, like, genuinely smiling.

 

“I am, kind of, but I like nighttime better. Early mornings and late nights….Those are the best times,” he says in a matter-of-fact tone. “I dance a lot at night, most of my classes are around that time, so maybe that’s why I like it so much.”

 

There was a beat of silence between them.

 

“Oh, really? You dance? How funny,” Jonghyun said, his voice trailing off a bit at the end. It’s almost like there was something else he meant to say and Jesus CHRIST does Taemin want to know what was on his mind- What could you be thinking? The same things I am-?

 

“Funny?” What’s funny about him dancing, Taemin wonders? He bites his lip and untangles Adam’s leash from Eve’s.

 

“You remind me of someone, that’s all. You look like you’d be a dancer, though. It suits you.”

 

“People say that a lot,” Taemin laughs. “I always remind people of someone, but they never know who.”

 

Jonghyun nods, looking to the street that’s across from the park.

 

“Do you maybe want to go get coffee or something at that cafe…? It’s dog friendly. I didn’t make any before I left, so…”

 

“Sure, why not- How do you drink your coffee…?

 

You like your coffee black, sometimes with half of a packet of sugar, but you always give it to me. You love the way coffee tastes, so you couldn’t possibly ruin the way that coffee gives that bitter bite. It’s the bee’s knees to you-

 

“Black, usually,” god damnit. God damnit- “Sometimes with a half pack of sugar.”

 

Taemin holds his breath. This isn’t happening. This isn’t fucking happening-

 

“I don’t know, coffee is just good on it’s own. It’s the perfect amount of rich and bitter. A smooth cup of black coffee is the best thing to me. That’s why I like Dale Cooper so much. You know, the detective from Twin Peaks? He’s a man who appreciates a damn fine cup of coffee,” Jonghyun breathes out a laugh. “If you haven’t seen it, you should watch it. It’s a good show.”

 

“I’ll have to check it out,” Taemin nods.

 

“How do you drink your coffee…?”

 

“Two creams, two and a half packets of sugar,” Taemin says simply.

“I’ll give you my half, then,” Jonghyun hums. “It works out perfectly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for sticking around and reading ;;w;;''' i know it's not the best story but i'm very grateful you're reading....please stay tuned for more ;;


	4. coffee and also deals

“So….black coffee for the both of us? Do you wanna get something else-? I think I’m going to get an americano,” Jonghyun nods, looking at the menu board that rests outside of the little cafe.

 

“Mmm, I’ll take black coffee, that sounds good. They have cream and sugar on the tables,” the younger speaks, glancing over to where he’s already decided they’ll sit. “The dogs can’t go inside, right? So we’ll sit outside….”

 

Taemin’s eyes meet Jonghyun’s, and god, there’s something so familiar about him. It almost hurts, looking into those eyes that he knew so well, but also….doesn’t.  He gives the author a smile and the weight in Jonghyun’s chest is made even heavier as he watches him walk to the table with Adam, Eve, and Roo. Roo seems to like him...that’s how Jonghyun usually judges people. If Roo can trust them, so can he. Well, to an extent. Taemin sits down and glances around, looking to see if anyone was sitting near them. Was he a nervous person-? Jonghyun couldn’t help but allow a smile to tug at his lips when Taemin sighed in relief upon realizing that they weren’t in a crowded area. He had tied the leashes to the chair he sat at, letting the dogs lay down and stretch out in the early morning sun. Watching this little moment is the most inspiring thing Jonghyun had seen in months, and he has absolutely no idea why. Why was watching him carry out such a simple little motion making him want to write another novel, entirely about the way his laughter carries through the air? He decides to stop being such a romanticist and to get their coffee. 

 

The author has spent many an hour in this cafe. It’s definitely his favorite one in the giant, sleepless city that he calls home. It’s open 24/7, which is extremely convenient for him, knowing his fucked up sleep schedule. Just the other day, he and his friend Jinki came here at around two AM to write and study, respectively. The people that worked there were mainly young college students and high schoolers, and all of them had become familiar with Jonghyun over the past few years. He’d stop in a lot, utilizing the free wifi and the seemingly endless supply of coffee. No one really minded his presence, he’s a friend to them and they appreciate the business. Free refills and free pastries came with being loyal, anyway. 

 

“Oh, hey, Jjong!” The barista, Sicheng, grins. “Your usual?”

 

“Hm. One large americano and then one large coffee, dark roast please,” he hums. “They’re not both for me. I’m sleep deprived, but I don’t hate myself that much.”

 

Sicheng quirks a brow--suddenly, the younger barista seems very interested in what Jonghyun has to say. Kids and their gossip, he thinks. Wait...Jonghyun takes a moment and reflects on his thoughts. Kids? He’s only twenty six years old himself- He’s not that old- Then again, Sicheng is a kid to him, he has to be around nineteen-! 

 

“You brought a date? And so early, too! What a go-getter,” Sicheng smirks. “I’ll only charge you for the americano, since you’re finally making moves on someone.”

 

“It’s not a date, don’t misunderstand,” Jonghyun blushes a deep shade of red and shakes his head in denial. “We’re….we’re actually strangers. We started talking on instagram this morning-”

 

“You slid into his DMs this morning!? And you’re already on a date? Tell me you’re trying to get ass,” Sicheng gasped, taking Jonghyun’s money and giving him back some change.

 

“I’m not-! I swear-”

 

“So you don’t deny that you slid into those DMs.”

 

“He looked familiar when he followed me-!”

 

Sicheng purses his lips in thought. “Oh, no way. You used the ‘have we met before?’ move? Smoooooth. He probably thinks you’re some kind of romantic.”

 

The young barista is cut off by a woman’s voice, and in steps Taeyeon, to the rescue. 

 

“Sicheng, who are you harassing-? Oh! Jonghyun. It’s good to see you! It’s been a while,” the owner leans on the counter and Sicheng scrambles to get Jonghyun’s order ready for him. “I hope he wasn’t bothering you too much.”

 

That makes Jonghyun smile. Taeyeon had become one of his closest friends in the past few years, and she understands his writing almost as well as Jinki does. The day his book was published was the day that she had the “Grayi Day” special, if you bought a copy of his book you got a free coffee, and two free donuts. She’s been one of his biggest supporters for years, and he doesn’t know if he could ever repay her for everything that she’s done…they’ve been friends for so long, listening to each other when they need someone to lean on and when they want to be happy...He wouldn’t have strength without Taeyeon. 

 

“Bothering me? Not at all,” Jonghyun replies simply. “He’s convinced I’m on a date, when really, I’m just getting coffee with an oddly familiar stranger.”

 

“So, a date,” Taeyeon laughed. “Please. That’s a date.”

 

And Taeyeon too-? Jonghyun shouldn’t be surprised. She was always trying to get him to talk to guys at the cafe, and would roll her eyes when he wouldn’t get anywhere. Don’t even bring up Woo Bin, the guy that he would look at and gawk over for days but never speak to...He was just tall. Maybe boyfriend material, but not his boyfriend material. Does that make sense? Like how when people like the way that satin feels but not velvet. He was velvet and Jonghyun wanted silk. Not a bad feeling, not undesirable, just...different. Very different. 

 

“...Sure. We’re on a date, then,” Jonghyun finally gives in and lets the staff think what they want to. It’s not gonna be any harm, right? 

 

“I’ll bring you guys out something to eat, then,” Taeyeon grins. “It’s not every day that our very own D. Grayi goes on a date with a...oh, man, he’s kind of cute, for a guy. I mean, he’s kind of lanky and awkward looking, but hey, that’s men, right? They’re weird looking things.”

 

“Taeyeon, you giant lesbian.”

Sicheng brings over the order and glances over at Taemin. 

“Oh, nice job,” he hums. “He’s not bad.”

 

With a sigh, Jonghyun walks outside, the early morning air embracing him. He brings the two cups of coffee over to their shared table, sitting down.

 

“Roo,” he laughs as his dog paws at his leg. “Roo! You cute little thing…”

 

Taemin watches the dogs, Adam and Eve curling up next to each other. They seem content. 

 

“How old are they?” Jonghyun asks, motioning to the dogs.

 

“Ah, they’re five, now. How about Roo?” Taemin leans down and scratches behind Eve’s ear. That’s precious, his little leg bounces a bit- What a cute dog….

 

“Mm, she’s about four…” Jonghyun blinks, realizing that her birthday is soon.

 

He’ll have to buy her some special kind of treats. She may not have the ability to process what a birthday is, but it makes his little world seem a little more happy when he buys her something and she’s happy….Happy dog, happy life, he guesses. 

 

Eventually, he stops fretting over Roo and pours the half packet of sugar into his americano, giving Taemin the remaining half. He stirs his coffee and allows the scent to drift up to him, waking him up just a little. God, he’s exhausted. Absolutely beat. He hasn’t slept more than two hours in the past three days, and it’s not easy to keep a rational train of thought while you’re this tired. Taemin looks at him with a furrowed brow- What was that look in his eyes? Was it concern? And why is that expression so familiar-?

“You really don’t sleep much, do you?”

 

Sleep? Who can sleep when all you do is stay up and think about all of the things that have gone wrong in your life? Why bother when you can just stay awake and stare at the wall and regret things, right? Jonghyun mulls everything over in his head. What is he supposed to say to that? Tell Taemin that he’s right and he can never sleep anymore because all he does is stress about things-? Tell him that the times he’s able to sleep are the only times he’s really happy, because of these stupid dreams he’s had for years? He can’t just overshare to strangers like that. Should he just say he has insomnia? It’s not wrong, nor is it personal. It’s just the truth. Sleep is something unfamiliar to Jonghyun now, he has his dreams for an hour or so every night and then he wakes up, only to be disappointed continuously by the living world. He much prefers the silence and peace of the dream apartment, the shoddy little place that’s falling apart, the awful little piano, the horrible sounds of the hot water in the pipes in the walls. But most of all, he prefers feeling like he’s at home. Has he ever really had that in this life? No. Not really. In this world, it’s all hell. It’s all routine, it’s nothing special. There’s no one to call home. There’s a place, but there’s not a single soul he’s been able to find solace in like that nameless man in his dreams.  He has Roo in his past, but other than that he’s just been living the same boring life as he has for the past twenty seven years. He misses the feeling of going to that little bar Namjoon owned, to watching his muse dance and to hear his laughter. If only Jonghyun knew his name-

 

As far as the author can tell, the only thing that’s really different about his muse and Taemin is his blue hair and the clothing...Everything else is extremely familiar, from the way he stirred his coffee to the way that he tilts his head a little when he speaks. However, Jonghyun decides, it’s due to lack of sleep that he’s so willing to believe that this delusion could possibly be true. Dreams...they’re just dreams, right?

 

“Do I look bad or something?” Jonghyun asks.

 

“You’ve got bags under your eyes,” Taemin states bluntly. “Ah, also, you were up at 4 am and responded to a stranger’s instagram DM. So, you must be used to being awake at those kinds of times.”

 

That kind of blunt answer had Jonghyun a little taken aback. He really doesn’t hold back with people, does Taemin? It’s a good trait, though, sugarcoating things just makes everything painful. Maybe Jonghyun is overthinking things, because Taemin only asked if he got a lot of sleep, but he seemed like a very honest and trustworthy person. Almost as if the breeze is telling Jonghyun that he’s right, the feeling of early spring caresses them and brings a scent of magnolias from the tree next to the cafe, her chill running down the author’s spine. It’s a beautiful feeling, however, familiar. For a moment, Jonghyun wonders how old this building that Taeyeon owns is. It felt like history, like there was something there.

 

Taemin daintily sips at his coffee and Jonghyun can’t hold back a smile. He might as well tell the younger that he was right. 

 

“Well, you’re right. Insomnia. She’s a wonderful friend to have, mm?”

 

A beat passes. Is that panic in Taemin’s eyes? He looks a little nervous. Perhaps he’s trying to comprehend if it was okay to laugh at that. His cute expression just makes Jonghyun’s smile wider. Precious. He’s really something, isn’t he? Blunt, yet considerate. What a combination. He wonders if he tells white lies. Do they blossom into something more, or does he nip them in the bud and not tell them in the first place? Ah, an author’s curse, he thinks. Such overthinking for a simple gesture. Character development. Then again, the way that his dreams rolled out made him not have to think about that much. His muse wore all of his flaws on his sleeve, but he owned up to them and let himself learn and grow. It was beautiful, really. 

 

“It’s okay to laugh,” Jonghyun sips at his coffee, noting the way that the bitterness blossoms on his tongue, and the sweetness of sugar chases it down his throat. It reminds him of bonds. “It feels like this is going to be a running theme with our conversations.”

 

He wonders who Taemin’s ‘friend’ is. If he’s anything like the man in the past, it would be insecurity, fear, a lack of confidence despite an amazing presence. 

With a laugh of relief, Taemin looks down at his dogs. He pets Adam on the head, scratching behind his ear. His eyes soften and he smiles gently at the tiny animal as it closes its eyes, leaning its head into Taemin’s hand. It’s such a peaceful picture, the way that the early morning sun shines down on him and makes him look angelic already, the tall buildings of New York city embracing their pocket of existence. Jonghyun, for a moment, wishes he was a painter so he could capture this moment in oils and make every last Picasso and DaVinci masterpiece quake in the beauty that is Lee Taemin.

 

“I didn’t want to seem insensitive,” Taemin looks back up when Adam gets distracted by a magnolia petal, and his brother’s barks. “So….How long have you been writing?”

 

“Writing..? Hm. Well, I’ve been writing songs for about as long as I can remember, actually.” Jonghyun sips his coffee again. Despite the fact that it’s cooling slowly, good caffeine should not go to waste, and good coffee takes a while to savor every bit of. “Songs are actually more my forte, I’ve found writing stories about my dreams is a very therapeutic practice, though. Maybe you should try that.”

 

The blue haired man across from him pauses and processes something- Jonghyun watches as his eyes widen and his brow furrows. What an expressive young man sitting across from him. It’s cute. He almost looks like his own dogs at certain points, when his lips form a pout and his eyes widen. Like he’s searching for something he can’t find. 

 

“Not to be insensitive in asking,” Jonghyun decides to break the silence, maybe soothe Taemin’s mind a little bit. “Are you gay? Not many straight guys pick up a copy of a gay romance novel unless it’s by accident. You know how they get, fragile masculinities and all.”

 

“Oh, yeah, I am,” Taemin snaps out of his pensive state and gives a reassuring smile, like he’s telling Jonghyun that he’s alright after all of that thinking and pondering.  “I had that high school period of no-homo, but I think we all go through that. I dated a girl out of peer pressure and couldn’t deal with it. Her name was Naeun, and I swear to god, I’ve never wanted to hide from my text messages more than I did when I was with her.”

 

“God, that’s relatable,” Jonghyun scoffs. “You remember when people would tell you that you didn’t know you liked guys? I mean, come on, if straight guys can go around with girlfriends at fourteen, I think I can know that I like guys at eighteen…”

 

“I know,  _ right _ ?” Taemin’s agreement is loud, and then he catches himself, covering his mouth. 

 

“I mean….Seriously,” he says, a bit quieter. Jonghyun laughs when he almost whispers. “It’s ridiculous. People are-”

 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Taemin is cut off by Taeyeon’s quiet and gentle tone of voice, and when Jonghyun looks up she’s beaming, placing pastries in front of them and ruffling his hair. “We made extra. I see you’re with one of my best friends. What’s your name?”

 

Taemin looks up and blinks. Oh. Jonghyun blushes and looks down. He laughs a little out of sheer anxiety, and Roo can sense something’s wrong. She rests a nubby little pay on his foot and rubs against his leg. What a good dog...She’s always there with him, always his one sense of comfort. 

 

“Lee Taemin. It’s nice to meet you,” he stands up to shake her hand, and Taeyeon gives a gentle ‘hm’ in thought. 

 

“Kim Taeyeon,” she replies, and looks down at the dogs. “Oh, you know you can bring the dogs inside..? I don’t want you guys to be outside for no reason..unless you want to. Jjong, you know this! Roo even has a little bed underneath the bench...You could have brought them in.”

 

Taemin sits back down and looks at Jonghyun with a slight smirk tugging at his lips. Oh, that spells out trouble, and Jonghyun can feel it. What a smirk. What a fox. He looks like he’s plotting something evil. How cute, though. His eyes glow with mischeif. 

“You knew this? Ah, Jjong, you really must be a regular…”

 

“A regular? Jonghyun is half the reason I want to keep this damn cafe open. If it gives him a place to write, it gives him a place to be happy and peaceful. That’s enough reason for me, you know..?” Taeyeon sits down with the two of them for a moment so she can pet Adam and Eve. “Oh, how cute. Adam...and Eve. Precious..”

 

Taemin looks back at his dogs and nods. He seems proud. Jonghyun takes in every little movement of his and realizes how fluid he is, even in daily life. He really is a successful dancer, isn’t he? No one could be in that much control of their body and not put it to good use. He remembers the past, how he would dance with Kibum and laugh at the drunks who would shove dollar bills in his face. The flamboyance of it all, the wonder and mystical feeling of that seedy, back alley club was enough to write a fucking fairytale. He remembers Minho’s laughter as well as the way Jinki would put out a cigarette and take a drink of the gin he swirled around in his cup so pensively. He knew it meant giving up a lot of freedoms, but sneaking around in bliss was better than openly living in hell.

 

“Well, I have to get back to work...Sicheng’s trying to get cut early today. He said something about an exam, but I know he doesn’t have classes on Wednesdays. Oh well. I’ll see you around. Taemin? You come in with this one more and your drinks are on the house. I always welcome new regulars, and friends of Jonghyun’s are friends of mine.”

 

Jonghyun snaps out of his thoughts when Taeyeon stands up again. He watches Taeyeon go back into the cafe and Taemin looks back at him- their eyes meet, and he swears, his opinions on love at first sight have changed greatly since their awkward meeting in the park. What an angel. He’s ethereal. Something else. From the way that his eyes sparkle in the early morning sunlight to the way that his little smile tugs at his lips like god is pulling the string….he’s meant to be this way. He’s meant to meet Jonghyun and turn his world inside out, he’s sure of it.

 

“You said you write music, right?” Taemin tilts his head. “I want to hear it. I think we were meant to meet, or something. You make music. I dance. Is it weird if I say we’re like a puzzle, Jonghyun? You seem so familiar.”

 

Jonghyun’s heart stops. His heart plays a familiar melody, it beats in a way he hasn’t felt in this life. 

“Are you saying you’d dance to my music?” Jonghyun asks, sipping at his coffee. “Because I’m open to that. Show me some of your dance videos or something.”

 

He doesn’t really feel like admitting that he’s stalked Taemin’s instagram at 3 AM….That would be strange, wouldn’t it? Looking at the things a stranger posts because they look like someone in your dreams? God, Jonghyun. Get a grip on yourself.

 

“Oh! Yeah, let me do that…”

 

Taemin shows him videos, and for the next ten minutes, Jonghyun watches, absolutely enamored. He’s just like before. Down to the subtle ways he moved his hands...His hips move the same way, his facial expressions are just as vibrant and beautiful. He’s something else. He’s so beautiful. Ethereal. 

 

His muse. 

 

“That’s it. I’m writing you a song. You’ll dance to it and we’ll become famous off of it, yeah?” Jonghyun grins. “I’ve got a book under my belt. Let’s do this.”

 

Taemin hands him his phone and opens the "iMessage" app. 

 

"Text yourself. We'll keep this up. I have to be at a dance class in two hours, so I'll text you, okay?"

 

Jonghyun does as he's asked and stands up with Taemin, taking Roo's leash off of the chair that she's tied to.

 

"It was lovely seeing you," Taemin nods.

 

Seeing. Not meeting.

Have we met before? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry for not updating.  
> as a shawol and a blinger, it's my choice to keep writing as five. there are five members, there always will be, and that means in my fanworks i will continue to draw and write, as none of the members have left shinee. jonghyun may be an angel now, but there are five members, and there always will be. thank you for supporting this story, as it's a way for me to cope with the loss of the most important person to me.
> 
> so, shawols, let's keep our heads up and as always, keep on shinin. <3
> 
> xoxo,
> 
> jojo

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you all like my stories.....i'm working on having at least one update per week with this story! probably on thursdays or fridays. thanks for tuning in everyone~ please tell me what you think in the comments!


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